July 2012
I was really struggling today, but I managed to eat dinner. I wanted to purge, really badly, but reading through your blog had encouraged me not to. Thank you for being so inspiring, I hope you're doing well <3
Awe, thanks dear! I’m so proud of you! Glad you could find some inspiration here. That’s what ARL is for! Keep fighting the good fight. You’re worth it! ♥
I didn't purge my dinner tonight!!! Sorry, but I had no one else to share this with. <3 I'm just kind of proud of myself. A little! :)
Oh that’s great!!! Thanks for sharing! I love hearing things like that. Congrats, girl! ♥
Hey, I find your blog so inspiring. You're such a strong beautiful girl and will change lives. I also want you to know, and believe this, You are perfectly made for your purpose! Stay strong! <3 <3
Oh wow! Thank you so much, sweetie! You just made my day. Same to you!! ♥
I think I have depression, but I don't want to see a doctor in case I do get diagnosed and it gets onto my medical record. I don't want the label. Is it possible to manage it on your own, without counselling or medication? Also, can it worsen and can it worsen self-injurious behaviour? Sorry for the questions, I just want to figure out what to do.
A diagnosis doesn’t have to be a label if you don’t want it to be. A doctor needs these terms in order to give you proper treatment. More and more treatment professionals are embracing the truth that a person is not their diagnosis. Depression is not guaranteed to go away without treatment…sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. But a lot of times it worsens.
I would always encourage someone struggling with possible depression to see a professional about it…but especially if you are also self-harming. Depression can absolutely worsen these behaviors…and even create countless other physical, mental, and emotional issues. So please, don’t be afraid of the label — it only matters what YOU do with it. ♥
I've struggled with anorexia since I was 13. I was in inpatient and residential treatment facilities all throughout my teenage years--5 years total. I've been out of programs for almost 2 years now, and lately...I have found myself slipping back into old behaviors. My family had begun to catch on to my restrictive ways, but I feel like I can't stop. I feel so fat. I'm scared. I can't go back, but what do I do?
I feel for you, dear. But let me tell you - you can go back. But what you’re doing right now is choosing not to. And that’s HUGE. So give yourself credit for this. You might be feeling weaker and in need of more support, but that’s ok. It does not mean you’re doomed to return to those previous depths.
Reach out now. Don’t wait any longer. It’s never too soon to get help. The best way to handle a full-blown relapse is to prevent it from happening. Remember, you’ll never be all the way back and the beginning. You can’t un-learn and un-grow. Hold on to what has brought you through these past 5 years.
I believe in you. ♥
I feel so fat. I went to Vegas for 3 days, and had to eat out every meal, and my grandparents didn't really take me to eat anywhere healthy. And the burgers looked so good. I ate so much. So...I was gonna starve for 7-10 days to loose what I gained off. Idk how much I gained, to afraid to check. And I just now gave in to eating my favorite thing, lots of dried fruit, and I feel like a total failure for eating it... I wanna recover after one last, long starvation...but something always stops me.
Your eating disorder stops you. It’s always going to want one last starvation. But here’s the thing - you’re not guaranteed to survive ”just one more time”. It’s the sad truth but nobody is guaranteed to live through their next binge, their next purge, their next fast., their next round of laxatives…etc. Bodies are incredibly adaptive but sometimes these dangerous activities push it too far. So much of the damage EDs too are unseen. You can’t always tell what it feels like to be on the brink of disaster. People can die at any weight from EDs.
You have to realize that recovering doesn’t mean you won’t be feeling these urges. In fact, you’ll probably feel them tenfold for quite some time. Recovery hurts. You start feeling what you’ve been trying desperately to avoid. But remember, an urge is only an urge. You have the power to choose whether or not to follow through. ”Can’t” is not the same as “won’t.”
Everything you do will either support your recovery or support your eating disorder. So ask yourself what you’re going to allow ♥
