Awe thanks, dear. Recovery IS possible. For everyone. ♥
It could be psychological. You could be experiencing the desire to rid yourself of the food for fear of weight gain or something? Sometimes eating disorders can also cause acid-reflux, which can give the feeling of food forcing its way back up your throat.
I would talk to a doctor about it and get checked out just in case. Better safe than sorry. Congrats on your recovery journey! ♥
Here’s the thing - you don’t fail until you stop trying. To not reach out and ask for support is to give in to your eating disorder. Telling someone is the opposite of failure - it is actual proof of the progress you’ve made! Relapses are not the end of the world. They are valuable learning opportunities about what areas of your life need more attention.
You may or may not have to go back into a treatment center. Outpatient might be enough for you this time around. But reaching out is a part of recovery - not of eating disorders. You’ll never be back at the beginning. You can’t unlearn and un-grow. You’re stronger than ever, despite feeling weak. I promise. ♥
Some people get their’s back when they return to their healthy weight. Some people take a lot longer. Some people never get it back. It’s all very personal and depends upon the severity of the illness, the length, the age at which is developed, etc. Be mindful of your nutrition as well as exercise (as too much can cause the loss of your period). Keep optimistic. Focus on what you can control in your recovery. Best wishes. ♥